What You Don’t Hate, You Will Tolerate

In our journey through life, we often come across situations, people, and circumstances that test our limits and push us to question our values, beliefs, and boundaries. It is during these moments that we discover two profound truths: “what you don’t hate, you will tolerate” and “you have to hate something in order to change.” These statements may seem paradoxical at first, but as we delve deeper into their meanings, we find profound insights into human behavior, psychology, and the power of acceptance and transformation.

The Paradox of Tolerance

To grasp the essence of these two interconnected concepts, it’s crucial to understand the paradox of tolerance. This concept suggests that if a society is entirely tolerant without limits, its ability to tolerate will be eventually seized upon by those who are intolerant. In other words, absolute tolerance can lead to the downfall of tolerance itself.

But this paradox is not limited to society at large; it applies to our personal lives as well. When we refuse to acknowledge and address the things we don’t hate, we inadvertently allow them to persist and even take control over us.

Unpacking the Idea

Let’s break down these ideas further and explore their various dimensions:

1. Personal Relationships and Discontent: In our interactions with others, there are often behaviors, attitudes, or actions that we don’t necessarily hate but don’t fully appreciate either. Perhaps it’s a friend’s habit of arriving late or a partner’s occasional forgetfulness. When we don’t confront or express our discomfort with these actions, we inadvertently tolerate them, allowing them to become a recurring pattern. It often takes a strong sense of discontent or frustration with these situations to propel us towards personal growth and change.
2. Workplace Dynamics and Dissatisfaction: At work, there might be situations where you find yourself in disagreement with a colleague’s approach or ideas but don’t necessarily hate them. Failing to voice your concerns or seek a compromise can lead to a tolerance of practices that may not align with your values or the organization’s goals. Discontent with workplace dynamics can serve as a catalyst for advocating change or seeking a more fulfilling career.
3. Self-Reflection and Recognizing Discontent: On a personal level, what you don’t hate, you tolerate can also apply to our own behaviors and choices. We often have habits or tendencies that we don’t hate but may not be proud of, such as procrastination or impulsive spending. When we don’t actively address these habits, they persist and can hinder personal growth. Embracing moments of discontent in your life can be an opportunity for self-reflection and a catalyst for change.
4. Societal Implications and Collective Hatred for Injustice: Zooming out to a broader perspective, societal issues like discrimination, inequality, and injustice often persist because individuals tolerate them without actively opposing or addressing them. This can be seen as a collective application of the paradox of tolerance, where societal tolerance of intolerance allows such issues to persist. It is the deep-seated hatred for these injustices that mobilizes individuals and communities to take action, advocate for change, and work towards a more equitable society.

The Power of Acceptance and Transformation

Acceptance plays a pivotal role in this concept. While tolerance implies enduring something without taking action, acceptance involves acknowledging and embracing it. However, acceptance should not be confused with complacency or surrender.

Acceptance allows us to navigate the fine line between hating and tolerating. It empowers us to make conscious choices about what we are willing to endure and what we are not. When we accept something, we gain the clarity to decide whether it aligns with our values and whether we should take action to change it or let it go.

Harnessing the Power of Discontent for Change

Discontent, or even hatred, need not be destructive. It can be harnessed as a force for positive change and growth. Here’s how:

1. Self-awareness: Reflect on your values, boundaries, and what truly matters to you. Understanding your core principles will help you recognize when you are tolerating something that doesn’t align with them. Embrace moments of discontent in your life as opportunities for self-reflection.
2. Communication: In personal relationships and the workplace, open and honest communication is key. Express your concerns, preferences, and boundaries respectfully to address issues before they become ingrained. Let your dissatisfaction with workplace dynamics be the fuel for advocating change or seeking a more fulfilling career.
3. Empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of others, especially when dealing with societal issues. Empathy can bridge gaps and lead to constructive dialogue and change. Channel your collective hatred for injustice into advocacy and action.
4. Action: When it comes to societal issues, consider how you can actively contribute to positive change. This might involve supporting organizations working toward your values or participating in advocacy efforts. Understand that societal change often requires collective efforts.

“What you don’t hate, you will tolerate” and “you have to hate something in order to change” encapsulate profound truths about human nature, societal dynamics, and the catalysts for personal and collective transformation. They remind us of the importance of self-awareness, clear communication, and taking action in our personal lives and in society at large. By acknowledging these paradoxes and embracing the power of discontent, we can strive for a world where tolerance is guided by our values and not compromised by our silence, and where discontent serves as the driving force for positive change and personal growth.

-Adam Niall